Mistakes.

 I'm afraid of making mistakes. 

Yes, you've read that right. 

I am afraid of making mistakes in the academic field. 

I know the cassette by heart now, "mistakes make you grow", "you learn from mistakes", "mistakes are part of human nature", all of that. 

I did make mistakes, and I was alright with them and promised myself to do better. And I did do better. 

I believe I concluded too fast before testing myself, during certain delicate situations. 

This year, middle school to high school transition hit me hard in maths. 

I've always been good at maths, easy to grasp concepts. 

In class I pay full attention, and it seems like a piece of pie to devour. 

My class's level in maths is pretty good. 

Some of them don't even need extra maths training in self-study sessions or with tutors. They just needed to listen and pay attention. 

Some worked extra hours, but not too much, just the right amount. 

And then there's me. 

3hours of extra maths sessions, practice exercices, learning formulas... 

10/20

Shocker. I was horrified. The night I received the grade I cried until I felt my eyeballs burning. I compared myself to the class average and the highest grade the whole evening. 

I was loosing hope and thinking I'm utterly stupid or there's a serious issue in my brain. People did not make the task any easier, gasping at the fact I scored such a low grade. 

The worst part is, during the exam my brain freezes, and the second the teacher takes away the paper, I get blessed with answers. 

I convinced myself that maths is not for me just to not face my mistakes! 

I decided to switch things up. 

I let go of the pressure a bit. 

Study but not too much, learn but not until my eyes and ears bleed. 

Last exam, I did not particularly stress myself out. 

19,75/20

Oh I'm not that dumb actually. 

What changed? 

I accepted that I can't be good and succeed in everything all the time GREATLY.

I understood that I can't function well under pressure, it just makes me prone to falling and getting hit hard with results uncalled for.

I'm making myself aware that I am no less that anyone out there and I am gifted in my own way.

I learned that no hard work does not pay off. It may not be a direct result such as a grade, but it may be a life lesson. This, is my reward for those extra hours of maths. 

I learned from my mistakes, and I am really proud that I made them because I acquired  knowledge about myself, and learned something valuable in life. 

Today, I can proudly say, I am not afraid of making mistakes, in the academic field. I'm learning like everyone. 

Now, I want you to contemplate your mistakes, in any aspect of life and any field. 

Think, visualize, and check for hidden aspects and hidden lessons within the fail and what you grasp from it. 

You can learn from anything. 

Even from mistakes.