The regret of the dead.

 Losing someone is truly a horrible feeling that I would absolutely not wish to my worst enemies. 

I lost this year, Wednesday June 7th, my grandad. 

My grandad meant the world to me. We had a very tight bond, and wholesome relationship. 

He saw me growing up. We shared so much memories together. 

The first 3 years of my life, I lived in his house and he took care of me along with my grandma. 

When I moved back at my parent’s house, I made sure to visit him often. 

But the older I got, the more my visits became short, quick, and distant. 

With all the classes I have,  extra hours with teachers, and tests, I could not find time I can spend with him. I took him for granted. I though he was eternal. 

But he got older too. He fell sick. 

He couldn’t walk anymore, eat alone, go to the bathroom, nothing. 

He could still speak and express his frustration towards grandma, in a dark and funny way. 

An Icon really. 

A month before my final exam, he became really sick. His body was aching, he was not in the mood anymore, he just wanted his kids and grandkids to be with him. 

My final exam was really close, it was a very important exam and I had to pass it with outstanding grades, that my parents were expecting. 

So, I couldn’t visit him. 

That month, I only saw him once or twice. 

The week they transported him to the hospital, I was not allowed to see him. 

He did not want me to see him very ill, and he wanted me to keep that strong man’s image within my brain. 

He passed away. I was shattered to pieces. 

I got only 1 day. 

1 day to mourn the death of someone I loved with all my heart and soul. Someone that saw me grow and shared with me the most precious memories. 

The next day, even though the funeral was still ongoing, I’ve put on a strong mask and restarted studying. 

My parents were worried that I’ll get so upset and depressed, they were aware of our bond together. 

But I worked hard, to make my grandpa proud.

I was like a drunk person in a bubble. I was not aware anymore of what is going, I cut of that part of my life and paralyzed my pain.

Once the exam finished, reality catches up on me. 

I regret.

I regret all the time I had the opportunity to visit him but I preferred staying at home to study. 

I regret not being with him on his last moments.

I regret not saying goodbye properly. 

I regret not mourning on my grandfather. 

I regret dismissing my feelings. 

But, I am now sure that he is somewhere better, watching from above, free from any pain or disease. 

Way better, than on this cruel world. 

Before regretting anything, please spend your time wisely with your loved ones. Prioritize them under any circumstance or regret is forever. Try not to miss any moments. 

Now please turn off your device, and go hug your loved ones tightly. 

They deserve your love.